Jessica (theglitterqueen) wrote,
Jessica
theglitterqueen

does it ever end?

I'm soooo tired. My body is falling apart.

Don't think my new thyroid hormone dosage is high enough, nothing is gettting better. Either that or i am just soooo exhausted from overworking myself that I am sleeping through everything anyway....

Nah, I do feel like shit. I Feel my body falling apart again.

It sucks when everthing starts shutting down. It really does. I hate my inability to get warm.

My body just literally can't get warm on it's own.

And then there is the wonderful phenomenon I have noticed at the gym, that while I am working out my heartrate will drop dramatically, down to 50 or 60 from like 160.....this has happened more than once on more than one machine, it MUST be my body doing something wacky. Who knows, I always feel fine when it drops though, no dizzyness or anything,actually I generally FEEL like my body is rejuvinated and I have been resting. Everytime my heartrate drops I feel like I can go on forever until it goes back up & then I feel tired. Who knows. It's weird though.

Blah.

Laid back Mad Men Thursday tonight!

Gonna put on a dress and heels and eyeliner and call it good. Watching the season finale again, On Demand, at Aarons house.

I have already watched it On Demand twice at my moms, but it'll be a nice laid back evening.

Gotta love getting dressed up to watch t.v.! Haha.

My mom is begging to borrow money from me. I hate lending it to her, such an irresponsible woman.

I realized she has borrowed/stolen about $4000 from me since I've started working when I was 16.

Not to mention all of the ciagarette money she used from my college money and allowance growing up

Other than the college money hiding in my closet as a child, she HAS always paid me back.

So, might as well loan it to her for a couple weeks. Although part of me feels like I might just be supporting her pain pill habits, but ya never know....being "behind on bills" is rather vague.

One day I will cut ties with her, right now, she is there when I am in desperate need, so I should be there when she is in need.....even if she is a crazy stupid bitch.

Such is life.

My life is just too hard sometimes. One thing after another.

I am a good, hard working person.

Where the hell is my good karma going?

What am I doing wrong?

Who knows....but i'm not giving up YET...
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